I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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