so that wasnt chicken after all
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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