Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
it was like eating out sand paper
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
