You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
