Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
