Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
