Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
