We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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