i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
