"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
