Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
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