dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
