too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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