I want to walk on stilts...naked
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
