who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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