I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.