Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
