I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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