end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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