he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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