is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
