Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
