FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
