She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
