D3 body, D1 cock
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
