I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
