Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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