Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
