you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
