She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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