Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
