I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
