i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
