You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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