I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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