wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
