gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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