if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
