My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
