Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
