quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
