found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They took my balls.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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