4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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