the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
