I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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