from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
