We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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