The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
