you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
