if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
