I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They have beer where we have blood.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
