No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
