I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
