it hurts more in the daytime
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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