If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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