The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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