I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
