How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
