yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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