Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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