How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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