yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
