i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
