Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
