Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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