i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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