Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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