Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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