White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
