Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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